just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
