After last night, I could never be a politician.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
