If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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