Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
