"it" just moved
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
