The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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