We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
