Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
