yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
