oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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