I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
