in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
