when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
