I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
