Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
