Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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