So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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