you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
