Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
