Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Life is so much better after having sex.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
