ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think your dad took our porno
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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