I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
