they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
