we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
