We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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