I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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