If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
