Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
