I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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