I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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