I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
