just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
