i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
