are you still at the devil's house?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize