Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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