In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
