the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
