do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
