He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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