My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
