I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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