you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
