I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
