That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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