oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
