Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
