I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
