i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
nutella sex= disaster
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
