Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
