FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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