i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize