Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
