I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
