They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
