So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
