How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
babies were throwing up all over the place
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
