it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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