Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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