this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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