OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
did i just pee glitter
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
