Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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