this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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