you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
