Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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