I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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