He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
