conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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