I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
