Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
