I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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