i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
