You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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