I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
