It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize